The Hardest Goodbye...

No, it's not goodbye...its "see ya later" and I'm sure of it.  I am certain that one day I will find myself back in Nakhon Phanom, the town that has become my home.

The tears started flowing on Friday evening, and will only continue with increased frequency and intensity. I quite honestly cannot even begin to explain the heartbreak that I feel about leaving Nakhon Phanom.  Riding through town yesterday was glorious - taking in all the sights, sounds, smells, and reflecting about my time here. It's been one hell of a ride, that's for sure.

People keep asking about America and what I'm most excited for, and aside for seeing friends and family, its really not much.  There's a lot about America that right now absolutely terrifies me - the pace of life, the constant connection via phone/internet, not having a job, etc, etc, etc.  I really can't say that I'm excited to go back (dear readers, please don't take this personally). The sadness I feel about leaving far overwhelms any excitement or joy I have about returning to America (notice that I have not referred to America as "home" once in this post - for some reason that term doesn't feel quite right). Everyone keeps telling me I will be alright, but there's a feeling in the pit of my stomach that tells me this will probably be one of the hardest things I've ever done. I have nothing waiting for me in America - the temptation to cancel my flights and stay in NKP is incredibly strong (don't worry Mom, I'm already in Udon, no turning back now - unless of course, the airport floods). 

The "see ya later's" I have experienced so far have been incredibly painful.  First came the old man who fills my bike tires each week, followed by my laundry lady.  Then came the staff in the office, which I literally had to run away from to hide my tears (any show of emotion causes loss of face), though a few people chased me out to say more goodbyes.  Then came Haley and her new puppy, Naga, bright and early this morning.  Haley has been my best friend and confidant the last few months, and has shown me the more "hip" side of Nakhon Phanom (and introduced me to more people to miss).  Weekly Skype dates are mandatory, Miss Boone. Next was my goodbye with Pornchai (who I'll probably always refer to as my Thai Dad), which was far too awkward and anti-climactic.  He drove me and Pi Nok to the bus station this morning, took my suitcase out of his car and said "ok bye bye," and he walked away while I was a blubbering idiot barely even able to get it together enough to give him a respectful wai and thank you. Dear Thailand, let's make hugs an appropriate gesture - it would have saved the whole thing. I proceeded to walk on the bus and weep until Pi Nok made me stop.

And most recently was the goodbye to Nakhon Phanom.  As the bus drove under the provincial archway, I said a little prayer of gratitude to this wonderful place and to wish the people and province well until I could see them again. It was a beautiful moment between me (again, crying) and the lush green rice fields as I drove away from my home.

Tomorrow I will say goodbye to Pi Nok at the airport, and she's begged me not to cry, but I already have tears streaming down my face at the thought of yet another goodbye.  She's been telling everyone that my parents want me back for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years, and then I can come back.  When my duffel bag was just about exploding, she told me to leave things in the closet for when I come back in a few months.  What a wonderful thought...

"You should not cry, because you are going to happiness.  If you were going to sadness, ok, you can cry.  But you are going back to love and happiness.  We cannot be sad for that." - Pi Nok

Camp Thailand - Take 2

Just as I suspected, Orientation for the new volunteers flew by!

Helping run the show was a lot of work, but also a lot of fun.  It was a long haul with a straight month of 14 hour days, and it wasn't all easy and fun - though much of it was.  I am so glad to be able to stay and meet the new crew, and grateful for the valuable work/life experience.  Here are some highlights:

- sharing the orientation site with about 100 carnival workers for the first 2 weeks
- setting off (or failing to) kratongs - floating lanterns - on the night of Fireboat Festival
- BUMPCARS - bumpercars meets rave meets black friday...you get the idea?
- witnessing the newbies' "firsts" - a great reminder not to take things for granted
- watching (with a twinge of jealousy) the new volunteers begin to form bonds with all the wonderful thai people who have helped me so much in the last year

I am confident the new Krew are ready and excited for their adventure.  I imagine that when we sent them off to their sites it felt a lot like sending your children off to college - we did the best we could to prepare them, but all we could really do was give them a hug and best wishes. I can say that I'm very envious of their current positions, but I do know that my time as a Krew Assassamak is over - and I'm hopefully on to bigger and better things.

To the WorldTeach Thailand 2011-2012 Volunteers:  Savor every moment (the good and the bad) and let yourself fall in love with the people, the food, the culture, the music (yes, even the tone-deaf karaoke at 2 am) and the beauty that is Thailand. Best of luck to you this year!

Wang Gnai? Whats Up?

I have been a terrible blogger - but I have been so busy doing tons of different activities.  I hate to skimp on the details, but here's what's been going on since my last post.

- I spent a long weekend touring Siem Reap and Angkor Wat in Cambodia.  The trip was incredible. One of the highlights?  Climbing to the top of a temple with Rita, Ben, and J at sunrise. We had the place to ourselves for the whole thing.  Please refer to Rita's blog for the whole story:  http://ritaafarrell.blogspot.com/2011/07/cambodia.html - and to Ben's for some great pictures: http://muskratgoestothailand.blogspot.com/2011/08/cambodia.html
- Many of my fellow volunteers helped lead an English Camp at Pla Pak Wit (where we had our orientation a year ago).  It was a blast!  It was also so much fun to bring an end to our time with giving back to the school that gave so much to our beginning. 
- I had my last few classes teaching at Kom Pawk.  It was bittersweet, and a lot of fun.  Some of my fifth and sixth graders can read English better than they can read Thai!
- End of Service conference with my group was productive and fun, as well as difficult good-byes
- Planning Orientation with the new field director, Haley, has been a blast.  A lot of work, a few stressful moments, but mostly a lot of fun.
- To reward ourselves (and to give ourselves an incentive to finish planning the sessions faster) we scored an awesome flight down to Phuket for a long weekend.  We headed straight to Koh Phi Phi (Thailand's posterchild and the location of filming for "The Beach") and had a few wonderful days of fun in the sun (and rain).  We made a number of good friends...and even brought a few back with us to NKP!
- I finally crossed the bridge to Laos.  I really only went for a visa run, and it was not a lot of fun, but now I have an extra stamp in my passport and the pretty Thai one too!

English Camp Activities!

Cambodia!

This is the temple we watched the sunrise from

Hard at work...or hard at cheating....

No smiles for Kru Malee

This is what happened to my leftover stickers at the end of the year...

Camera crazed kids...i miss those munchkins!

 

(This is a video of my 3rd graders playing a letter identification game during our last day together.  Watch what happens when "W" appears.  There's a famous Thai pop song entitled "Lovin' you too much" and they like to substitute the "W" in...every.time.)

Tonight I am off to Bangkok for the weekend to celebrate a number of milestones: my 24th birthday, my one year anniversary in Thailand, and to pick up the volunteers for the start of WorldTeach Thailand 2011-2012!

What The...?!?

If you were reading my last post and came along the line: "There are not enough words in the English language to express my deep love and respect for this woman, nor for the heartbreak I will feel when it comes time to leave Thailand and her behind (although we are hopeful that she will be able to get a Visa to come home with me for a few weeks in November)." and thought to yourself "What the...?!?" you are not alone.  That's right folks, my return to the US has been delayed from the end of September to the first week of November, and I couldn't be happier about it.

The stars all magically aligned to give me the opportunity to continue to work for WorldTeach through next years' Orientation.  This was a hope of mine from the very beginning, and started to look like a semi possibility when I started as Assistant Field Director. I didn't want to get my hopes up because X, Y, and Z all needed to happen to give me this opportunity.  I started to resign myself to going home in September and even bought the plane ticket to prove it.  I planned a Welcome/Birthday party for myself on the very day I left for Thailand one year prior.  While this event made going home a little more appealing (I really was looking forward to having all my friends and family together, gazing at the autumn foliage, enjoying fall-like temperatures, etc.) I was (and still am) beginning to dread the impending Goodbye to Thailand.

Staying for the next groups' orientation just feels right.  I've learned so much this past year - about myself, about Thailand, about other people, that I am really looking forward to teaching some of the new "krew" about what it means to be a volunteer here.  In the office, we've already begun planning for Orientation and making site placements for next year, so it would be a real disappointment to go home without seeing the fruits of my labor.  Not only that, I am so curious about the new group of volunteers, staying just to meet them makes it all worth it. NKP will always hold a special place in my heart, and I want to make sure the new krew are well enough prepared to take care of this wonderful place in my absence.

I'll see ya stateside November 4th.

We are Family

Here in Thailand I have a wonderful family who hold an incredibly special place in my heart.  Perhaps one of my favorite things about Thai culture is that almost immediately upon meeting someone, a family-like relation is established based on age.  We use the word "Pi" to indicate an older sibling, and the word "Nong" for a younger sibling.  The line between actual family and close friend is too blurry to differentiate between the two.  And the way Thai people take care of everyone, it seems as though the community as a whole is the family, which is a little confusing, but so amazing to see and experience.  I have more wonderful Pis in my life than I could ever ask for:  There's Pi Nok of the office who's 5 year old son calls me Na (Aunt) Malee, solely based on the fact that his mother and I have established the sibling relationship. There's Pi Pornchai, WorldTeach's liason to the school district, a wonderful man who will stop at nothing to make sure all of our needs are met. There's Pi Louis, a new friend who suggests fun evening activities and enjoys tagging along and introducing us to his friends (even more Pis and Nongs there!).  There's Pi Mem of my laundry shop who is just a pleasure to visit.  On my last laundry day, she gave me a bunch of bananas and offered me a ride on her motorcy to the center of town. When I picked up my laundry today, she asked for my phone number so she could invite me to have dinner with her family.

Last, but certainly not least, there's Pi Nok, my roommate and the greatest older sister in the world.  When my life turned upside down, she so graciously welcomed me into her home and her life without a moment's hesitation.  There are not enough words in the English language to express my deep love and respect for this woman, nor for the heartbreak I will feel when it comes time to leave Thailand and her behind (although we are hopeful that she will be able to get a Visa to come home with me for a few weeks in November). She is the epitome of "jai dee"  (good heart) and is so generous to all the people in her life.  She anticipates mine and others' needs and makes sure everyone is well cared for.  Not only that, but she can read people's feelings and emotions so well that it amazes me how she's got all the volunteers' down. She also tells the funniest stories of her embarrassing moments, but she has no shame at all.  We laugh together all the time as we are both "ding dongs" more often than we are geniuses (example: nearly blowing up our bathroom when we lit candles during a power outage). We have deep conversations about current topics in Thailand and about her past - despite the language barrier we truly understand each other.

About a month or so ago I traveled to Pi Nok's hometown of Chaiyapum with her and Rita.  She'd been looking forward to this trip all year and was so excited for us to see the home she's built and meet her extended family.  We toured her rice field and her village, and stopped at nearly every home to be introduced to yet another member of the "family."  Pi Nok is obviously the fun, cool aunt that everybody loves and looks forward to visits from. I don't know if I've ever seen Pi Nok so happy as she was in Chaiyapum and it was a joy to see.

Rita and I touring the orchid mountain with Pi Nok's family

With Tomtam, Pi Nok's niece

 Pi Nok!

Ain't No Gift Like the Present

Upon returning from our travels, I, along with most of the other volunteers, began to sense some anxiety in the air about returning home and ending our journey in Thailand.  It all started with the task of changing our return flights – a process that very literally brought me to tears - and it all spiraled from there.  Soon enough, weekend conversations were dominated with “What’s next?” instead of the usual, “What crazy/interesting/awesome thing happened in your village this week?” I too got swept up in thinking of what was coming next, and trust me, the whole thought of returning home is so anxiety ridden that it completely threw me for a loop.  It got to the point that I was thinking so much into the future that I entirely neglected everything that was happening in the present.  Sure its kind of exciting to get caught up in imagining what I’ll be doing after Thailand, but the truth is there’s still three whole months left to enjoy this experience.  It feels like forever and absolutely nothing at the same time. Why should I waste this precious time worrying about the future when I am in the midst of an incredible journey?  As time seems to just fly by, it’s now my goal to keep my thoughts on the wonderful moments that make my life in Thailand so special.  Here are some of my favorites:

-          Laughing with Pi Nok every day about how forgetful we both are about silly things like where we left our keys.  Or maybe not so silly things, like the time we almost blew up the house.

-          My students, particularly 3^rd grader Jet, who every single time I ask him anything, will giggle and squirm in his seat and respond with, “I am thank you!” It’s so adorable I almost don’t ever want to teach him the correct answers.

-          The woman at the market that I buy vegetables from each week.  Our interaction lasts all of 30 seconds, but I always look forward to seeing her smiling face.

-          Whenever I go to a fruit stand and ask what some mysterious fruit is, I always get offered a taste, and the owner grabs a piece and rips it open for me.  Most of the time its delicious, sometimes its durian.

-          The bike shop owners who one time chased me down the street so they could refill my bike’s tires.

-          Whenever I drop off clothes at the laundry shop, the woman always invites me inside for a glass of water and asks me questions a mile a minute.  Somehow, I can always understand her. I don’t even know her name, but she’s one of my favorite people here.

-          My fellow volunteers who have become family, and who always have the ability to make me laugh so hard tears stream down my face.

-          One of the office lady’s adorable little sons always walks slowly and nervously to my desk to show me whatever toy he has that day.  Never says a word to me, but he’ll let me drive his toy car over the side of my desk.

-          Pornchai asking about the intricacies of English to and from site visits.  On our last trip, he wanted to know the differences between see, saw, and seen. The end result was either “I haven’t seen you in a long time” or “It has been a long time since I last saw you.” I realize more and more each day how ridiculous the English language is.

-          Each week when I go to the Som Dtam shop, the woman automatically starts making it exactly how I like it.  While she’s mashing away, someone in the shop always remarks about how novel it is that I can eat Isan food. When I explain to them that it’s my favorite meal I’m always greeted with squeals of delight.

With wonderful moments like these, why would I even try to think of anything but today?

Expedition Thailand: Lessons Learned

Now that its been 2 months (oh my goodness, how time has flown!) since I've returned from my travels, I wanted to share all the life lessons that I learned while backpacking around this wonderful country:

1. When someone offers you the opportunity to do something crazy, fun, adventurous, etc. - Do It!  Had I backed out of unfamiliar circumstances, I probably never would have gone scuba diving, never seen the mosque in Pitsanulok, never met a number of wonderful people, never would have jumped into the back of a thai family's pickup to circle the city for Songkran, and never would have had many of the experiences that I did.
2. While sometimes incredibly confusing, cramped, and disgustingly hot, public transportation is the way to go.  Its cheaper, (sometimes) faster, and ALWAYS more entertaining.  I met a lot of enjoyable people on public transport - like the little boy that tried to bite my fingers off, the man that tried to match up the 3 American girls with the 3 German boys just because we all had white skin, and the old man who for 8 hours constantly narrated our entire trip in Thai, "We're turning left. We're 400 km from Nakhon Phanom. You can sit next to me, don't be afraid.  Now we're turning right. We're 399 km from Nakhon Phanom."
3. Learn a little bit of the local language.  Now, having been in Thailand for 5 months before heading out, we were all well ahead of the game of most travelers.  But here's the thing - hello, please, thank you, and excuse me, are enough to show the locals that you're invested in learning about their culture.  Knowing Thai probably saved me about $200 USD because I could get the "friend price" for nearly anything that cost money, it led to wonderful cultural exchanges, and it just made the whole journey so much easier.  We could travel off the beaten path more freely and truly experience a number of different places.
4. Before getting on a bus, calculate which side of the bus the sun will be on for the majority of the trip. Sit on the opposite side.
5. Don't be shy - talk to everyone you meet. Sure, you might get yourself stuck talking to someone who blabs on and on about nothing you care about, but you also just might make a great new friend.

To help you get a better idea of where in Thailand I traveled during my 5 weeks on the road, copy and paste this link into your browser:

http://maps.google.com/maps/ms?ie=UTF&msa=0&msid=
201852724059212416675.0004a2fbd928fa9cd8fa8